Malay AO paper today. I thought it was ok. Wasn't too hard or too easy. Just ok. It had been a hot and sweltering day. I was as dried up as a prune (no pun intended to KPH), I can feel myself evaporating. I wished I was a cactus. At least all the water won't go away that fast. Vanessa my poor mama got her specs in two pieces, thanks to a smack in the face by Kat. Was not intentional of course. If it weren't for the smack in the face, honestly, Kat could've scored, and we'll give the other team 10 push-ups. Training was to die for.

I reached school so early, only to remember that there wasn't any assembly. The school had a dead ring to it, for there were less than 10 in the canteen. At least you didn't ignored me. I thought you might have found my other site, and I would've died than have it read.

Today I gained a horrible tan on both arms and legs, bruises on shin and knee, small cut near the eye thanks to Amanda, and a very sore body. Twas a good feeling. My fitness is at the zero level.

He'd seemed hopeless and lost with this note. They'll buy into the words that I've wrote.

ofblack&white
8:17 PM

I finally wiped my whole room down, and I meant the whole room. I didn't know what possessed me to wipe the ceiling too. But one thing is for sure, I got tonnes worth of dust in my room, I didn't know it accumulate till that much, maybe cleaning rooms should be done more oft than before. Who knows.

Tomorrow, or rather later is my Malay AO paper, so I memorised my peribahasa list. I got a problem finding the paper. Maybe that was why I hate to clean up my room, for I always cleaned it up in such a way that I did not know what is where. Grr. Momma had a bad day today. With cakes I mean. More success to her at night, and she screwed up nothing unlike in the afternoon. Thank God.

I still do not know what to study for Malay, and I do not want to seem complacent. Ah. It's tough being a girl, especially when the monthly cramps come around. They just have to be bithcy and kick in at the wrong time. Now I have to pay Puasa for 5 days. =.=

Six Degrees Of Inner Turbulence. I'm in love with Dream Theater and their progressive metal melody.

ofblack&white
5:22 AM

I felt like speaking in riddles, for muddling minds up is my forte, as acquantainces who engaged in rare convo over MSN often point out. I just finished baking my Melting Moments, biscuits with Nutella sandwiched. Twas heavenly, it melts in the mouth and I went to Heaven, only to be thrown back. :)

Ah. I cleared this urban jungle of my room, and it looks much spacious, cleaner. I felt liberated, for usually these Swiss Alps worth of papers and books suffocate me. Three bags full of old junk. But it kinda hurts to throw some of the things away, some hold sentimental value. But I can't keep holding on, or else my room will never be cleared. : ( Of all the things I had to throw, I kept my foolscap backings. Much words. Much love.

Ah. What was I to do? Oh yes. My much-longed-for blinds arrived, and it matches my room. Not-much-thanks to Momma, for matching-room-colour=PINK/RED
My room is pink, along with everything else. No thanks to Momma. But I won't complain much.

Feeling good this Friday afternoon.
I ran into Julian said we'd get together soon.
He always had my heart he needs to know.
I'd break free of the Miracle
It's time for him to go.

ofblack&white
11:28 PM

Commendation Day. My nose would've grown long if I were to say it was interesting and fun. Fun definitely wasn't a word to describe it, for speeches were as long as whales, especially when Mrs Kok droned on and on about God-knows-what. I was drifting far away and playing dumb lame games with Mayyee.

Earlier on, I was cam-whoring as per usual, taking candid shots of others with Naz's cam (God bless her kind soul). Hahaha... I got a nice picture of us, though i would love some pictures that could've been taken. Anyway I joined in the M.A.D Movement since I have a loudhailer-voice, my December is free, and I am totally in some need of fun and laughter. Thought of watching a movie afterwards but it haven't been my day, for nothing remotely interesting was showing. Ay.

We're done with pineapple tarts, and I helped out with oats cookies. Momma made me clean my room, and it took my whole evening away. I'm not even half done yet. Must've been as clutered as an urban jungle.

Tis sad, for only God could see what's inside, and its swishing around like the ocean again. Its starting all over again. Lol.

If words don't show me how to really feel, does words show me how to lie?

ofblack&white
10:39 PM

PW-ing the day was really taxing, felt so drained. Kind of surprising considering all I did was plonk my ass on the chair and use the laptop. Presentation was ok, screwed up the Q&A section lol. Kind of expected. Jason was funny!

"What's the difficulty you faced in your course of project work?"
"Oh. Arranging the powerpoint slides."

Huiqi's was more laughable. :) But actually her group's Q&A was great. Should learn from them. Me being the dumb one left my brother's mouse in the school's laptop bag. Ay careless of me. Priscilla took the opportunity of the bus ride home to psycho me into joining the M.A.D movement thinger.

Just got the largest shocking news of my entire life.
Do you know? I want us to be together forever.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MERIDIAN JUNIOR COLLEGE?!

Do you know? I want us to be together forever.
Haha... Think you'd know yourself. And I'll just say that I'll miss you alot alot... :(

ofblack&white
5:28 PM

Yesterday had been an emotional day, for four of my friends are leaving. I'm close to all of them, especially Rachel, but I didn't want to cry, for it will show weakness, and I didn't like that. Used all the will and discipline that I possessed at that time to stop myself from doing so. Anyway they seemed to take it well, so it wasn't much of a problem. I guess.

Bleak day, my other friends grieved for them, but hey, its not as if we won't meet each other again no? Maybe its for the better. I'm just... het up that sometimes, the chances are given to the wrong people. Maybe God is fair. Who knows?

Twas also TK Bazaar Day yesterday, and i wholefully regret missing it. Grr. We heard the Old Hag (mrs Kok) poured her life and soul onto the microphone, I swear I'd died in the midst of her words.

Soccer training. Was very fun. It was sad that Nadia is leaving us. At least Cockroach and Clare were given a chance to stay. My body ached like anything this morning, I'm terribly unfit. Did about 60 push ups, 40 sit ups, two rounds around the track and a handful of jumping jacks. Something new; juggling the ball, playing a soccer match while walking.

I'm made of wood, I'm falling apart I would give a kingdom for one more day, If I only had a heart...

ofblack&white
5:45 AM

It rained. So heavily it rained. The water cascading on window panes. Mirrored my image. Cold. It felt so cold outside... It could rival what's inside. Brr. Must stop. Lose-lose situation either way.

I'm either miserable, miserable, or very miserable.
Still I run out of time or it's hard to get through till the bird on the wires flies me back to you.
Nice song...

No connection, but tomorrow is D-Day. Pray hard pray hard. What might come? I still say, both are still lose-lose situation.

ofblack&white
3:59 PM

It was I suppose a rather taxing day, especially when nearly 5 hours was dedicated to Project Work. Twas fairly productive, that I can boast. But it was terribly draining. I couldn't make it on time to break my fast with my family, for I only stepped home at 7.15. Horrible jam at Eunos. Ay, my eyes are swimming on the keyboards now. My speech was supposed to be imprinted in my mind but somehow it refuses to stay.

I am tired. And the fact that everything gets ever confusing is irratating. I am hoping to keep my cool after Ramadhan, then I can blow like a volcano. Remained dormant for too long. DO not push my buttons. I'd snap and slap you.

I remember the first time she came to me. She poured out her soul all night and cried...

ofblack&white
10:23 PM

I spent the day going for religious class, smashing garlic for the garlic bread and buttering them, and sleeping my way through. I know it thoroughly sounds like a pig, but you don't have to point it out yah? The Imam was a... pro at joining sentences. Honestly, he can read the Verse on Lailatul Qadar in all of 2 sentences. It was suppose to be about 5-6 sentences. Lol.

Lyrics are love. I&R is bitchy, and my heart's thumping fast.

This feeling inside me/Finally found my love/I finally broke free./No longer torn in two/I'd take my own life/Before losing you.

ofblack&white
12:06 AM

Only to have my own way, PW would be abolished, and I swear the whole world would be happy. Even the teachers wouldn't have to drone on how to do a Written Report. Michlai and Loretta came over, and am glad to say slides are down. Worked hard on it.

If only I were to, as I always regret. Must work harder. So I say time and time. But the procrastinator in me never budged. And time and time again I'm here thinking of 'if only'.


(small) says:
i feel so loved
(small) says:
i love u ili!


Knowing that I'm loved too makes life worth living. And I'll make sure its worth it. :) Too Deep In. Haha...

Sorrow - Eternity. My demons are coming to drown me.
Tata.

ofblack&white
11:16 PM

The Malay teacher was being bitchy, I do not know why she kept picking on me, fiddled my hair, clipped my ear. I would have a mind to exorcise her someday. Slides are picking up on progress, and I am happy that we are getting alot done.

Why why why? So many questions, so little answers. I cannot seem to weave my way through the complexed foldings of the heart. I do not want to be truthful to myself, for it will sound definitely silly, and telling someone else is weird. I should have an ad placed up for an open-minded friend.
I do not want Wednesday to come.

"One last time,
we'll lay down today
One last time,
We slowly fade away..."

ofblack&white
5:07 PM

It was an eventful yesterday, for Promo results were out. (for a moment my heart stopped for some reason) I really thank God I passed, and as said, praying hard for my loved ones to clear through. I was slightly disturbed by thoughts. Anyway went to catch a flick, The Wig, as suggested by the Brave One, so we went all the way to Toa Payoh. I made the mistake of trusting, which was something I tried to avoid. It did prove to be costly, we got lost. Haha... Lucky it wasn't a long walk, so it was fine.

I was kinda cuddled by the Brave One herself, so brave that she watched everything with her eyes half-covered. So brave that she kept head-butting my cheek when something (remotely) scary appeared. And she got the grace to blame me for her cricked neck.

Rushed home. The water from my hair barely dried when I went out of house again. Flew to Bedok Interchange to find that I am early, surprisingly. =.= Went Masjid Kampong Siglap, had our Magrhib prayers, and walked the way to Pizza Hut. It was fun really. Syah and ms Huda couldn't make it, so only Naz her sis Ham and me. Usual bickering and suanning around. Twas nice dining out with them.

Anyway today was not so mundane, for there's the Love Matters thing, food for thought. I was being crazy in the class, but halfway there's that familiar stab in my heart and it was kinda hard to breathe. PW was fairly fruitful. We planned out OP and slides, and I did my characters. Hahaha.
MARGE LAI MIXUE. Cracked me up everytime.

Saw Hanafi on my way home from my Gran's. He changed, looked more manlier. Haha... I had to be irritating and asked whether he squeaked again or not. We were to board the bus when he realised he was missing his EZlink, thus running the way home. Still the same Hanafi still the same.

I love you maybe, but I hope it goes away.

ofblack&white
10:22 PM

I am promoted. Alhamdulillah. Now praying for my loved ones to clear, so we can be happy together somewhere in the universe. I had great fun yesterday, while watching the movie and while dining out. It felt as if nothing could ever go wrong. I felt some stirrings of... how am I to put it in words. Nevermind. If everyday were to be as carefree as yesterday, would I live to regret it?

:) Tata. I'll return soon. I hope.

ofblack&white
5:30 AM

Scripts. Getting it back today. One word, Doomsday. Pray hard I could be promoted, pray hard I can get satisfying results, the ones I yearned for, but maybe, never work hard enough for. Will re-edit later.

ofblack&white
6:07 AM

[/edit]

Forget my old entry. I feel like killing me. I know I'm not exactly the shiniest shell on the beach, but I'm not the most dullest am I? Sigh.

Would you come home and stop this pain tonight?

ofblack&white
4:49 PM

I seemed to have an obsession with cereals, for I tasted the whole range of Post and Nestle. Haven't finish my collection for Kellogs. Still in need of ChocoChex. Momma bought Oreo Os, rocks. It's packed with little round marshmellows, simply melts with the milk. I haven't indulge on Cookie Crisp, Momma bought them too. Slowly my dear, eat them, savour one by one. Lol.

PW-ing at Michlai's house was fairly productive. I love her house, it simply screamed coziness. Though her room is thoroughly boy-like, if you stereotype colours that is. All blue. Lol. Finished our WR. Need to settle the OP parts. I'm pushed to being first speaker, solely for the reason that I am group leader. Lol. Slides needed to be completed too.

As if there wasn't enough on my plate. I'm still worrying about my grades, and my beloved ones too. MJC results are yet to be released, though Qis passed her Malay. TPJC guys seemed to have difficulty in... promoting. I shan't name names here. My dear brother in SA is in deep shit too. Oh no. If only I could help him, or the whole lot.

I shall pray for you people. In the meantime, hope for the best.
There's always a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

ofblack&white
10:51 PM

Now that promotionals are over, of course, there exist the feelings of post-promo. Everybody's faces look tensed up as if just gotten some Botox jabs, so anxious about promoting and not retaining. Everybody is whispering around the corridors, thinking about their chances of getting through year 1, and whispering about others who might not make it.

Anyway lessons start again, truncated timetable. We had GP to brighten our drabby morning. Ha. Ms Huda and the first speaker made sense, the last one seemed to be speaking Greek, for I could not catch a word that might make any sense. Doodled my way to sanity. Had a three period break, so we played my longed-for taidee. My muse and lady luck smiled at me today, I wrote few odes and won few games. I was slightly drifted away in thoughts, Dream Theater's guitar solo for Fatal Tragedy didn't help much. Had our feedback for WR, doing third draft tomorrow.
Life is boring eh?

Math flew by, History was much bearable, with the commercial breaks. Ms Koh, ever the inventive one, placed dubious sentences by our very own History students up on the slides. Sentences that cracked everyone up. Few examples would be, "Napoleon spent two years on planning how to block the English bastards" or maybe "Napoleon had a figure many admired" or "Tin were PLANTED in Malaya..." There were so much funnier ones but my memory failed me.

Sigh. Trying not to worry about my promotionals. Nevermind. If I don't make it, I'll just fly to some Eastern isle with a gazebo for comfort and the breeze to blow my mind away.

ofblack&white
10:30 PM

"Maybe he'd forgotten all..."




Rocks. Sweet for Qis to have offered to do this for me, not that I wanted the "cow" picture, but it does look cute anyway. :) Rocks.

ofblack&white
11:47 PM

I've got to meet my lovelies yesterday, my brother and sister in fact. Met Khay at 2 at Kovan, and since Matin was late we walked around seeing nothingness, I was always bullied. Matin came at 3, and we headed for SuperBowl, yet again. It was high time I showed her I could play, and hence I trashed them, Matin using his 'injured' arm as an excuse to every bad shot. It was funny seeing us celebrating every bad shot of everybody, and in the end I treated them, so I won't have to treat them again. So much energy, we walked around Kovan like little kids, squabbling all the way.

Khay lost her face in MiniToons, it was too funny to watch, with her having a go at the MiniToons woman, Matin and me slowly ran away from the shop to save our faces. Walked around Cold Storage and lauhging our faces out with dumb antics. Was, I hate to say this, so thirsty yesterday for we had Palette and I was running around like a cockroach for soccer. Twas fun though, the soccer team gave the guitar members a hard time later on the day. Bloody Matin actually asked me if I wanted to drink. Please, I have (according to Khay) abstinence. Lol.

Had Project Work lecture, and i'd be kidding myself to say that it was interesting. My muse was smiling at me, so I wrote a poem, a bit too personal for some eyes to feast on. Settled our bibliography, and of all things to do, we went bowling, Mayyee Naz Wilson MichLim Loretta and me. MichLai went off to meet her friend, and we went to settle outselves at SuperBowl again. First time I saw Mayyee bowled, and i was fairly surprised that she was quite... good. Just that, a dent is bound to appear any moment with her er... bowling style.

Anyway was fun, and the rest went off their separate ways, and as usual, I was left with the Ant. We couldn't decide where to go, thought of going to catch a flick, but nothing interesting is showing these days, and I didn't think someone like her would appreciate Goal! . Ended up home, lol, with us verbally abusing each other, as usual.


I realised I'm a walking contradiction.

ofblack&white
2:15 PM

Ay, kids do say the darnest things. I went over to my beloved grandparents', and my cousins were planted there too. Little Tisya, actually not that little, she's slightly taller than me, with an elephant-sized feet. Oh she's TEN by the way. Lol. I felt short at the moment. ANYWAY I was checking through her English homework while she flitted around singing at the top of her voice, no doubt irritating my poor granddad.

Then she stopped, paused, think, and asked,
"Kak Ili, what's a condom?"

I was caught in a timestopper, for I did gaped at her with open mouth for about a second or two. Lol. I was embarassed lah, how the hell to answer such an... open question without going through awkward explanations. Lol. I just pointed at my bro and told her that he knows more. For the first time in my presence he actually got the grace to smile shyly. I was laughing at his expression! He gave some sheepish answer about "its actually condominium." Trust the girl to be skeptical, for she just said "No! Condom is like... somewhere you put sperms right?" Lol!! What is the school teaching?! Or friends?! Too much shows no doubt? Hahaha... My good friend told me to tell my cousin to ask me that question when she grows to be 16. Oh man... Damn embarassing can!

Finally I've got to exercise my redundant legs, finally playing SOCCER tomorrow. Can't wait for dawn to break. Might be able to meet my sis and bro for yet another round of bowling. Must show them I'm finally better. Lol. Tomorrow sounds like a good day. Hopefully it turns out well, :) And Josh gave a sweet testimonial just because I gave him very good songs.

I'm learning all about my life, by looking through her eyes.

ofblack&white
11:50 PM

Today marks the END of the promotional examinations, the relief that I thought I would feel didn't came. I don't know why. Maybe it only marks the end of a minor hiccup in my life, for what 'joy' do you think next year would bring me? Zilch. Sigh. I shall not see so far into the years ahead.

I bowled again, I thought it might bring the life back in me but hey, all it did brought me was some smiles and laughter. I bowled for the day with Michlai Ham and Wil. I did 120, with quite a number of strikes, fairly impressive for me. I bus-ed my way home and felt the dreams came to me. Decided against going to East Coast, I wanted to have a good talking with Fana but guess my eyes were too heavy. Maybe. Soon. Someday. Ok.

Burning fever, night time screamer, waiting time when I'd come alive.

ofblack&white
1:59 PM

I knew I was falling. I needn't any warning, its like running on ice, I skid. I fell. And I knew its going to hurt. I just didn't know its going to sting like salt in the wound. Maybe that's how it felt. Maybe it felt worse. I don't know. Numbness, it felt like frostbite. Lesson learnt I reckon. Don't run when you know you're falling, and don't think getting hurt was ok, when you don't have two hoots about how it is going to hurt.

I never got the answer. I'll just kill the dumb philosopher who said that every question there's an answer. Goodnight. =.=

ofblack&white
10:57 PM

So yesterday we went a-bowling at Kovan. Was nice a-bowling, for we have a n00b (Michlai), a toughshot ham (Wilson), literally powerbowler (Rachel), weird malay dancer cum bowler (Syahril) just onefreaky longkang queen (Naz) and of course the normal one (me). Haha so bowling was an exciting affair, we played three games. I called in Rachel and she arrived at the second game, which made it more interesting, for we decided to play doubles for the third game. It really was a scream, Wilson and Michlai lost to Rach and Naz (we were paired up according to our second game rankings) by... a point. I think you can hear Wilson's male ego went psssst a mile away. Syahril and me won (naturally) by 3249 points or so. I treated them to it, for I want to show my gratitude to them for sticking by me in JC1. That was why I was slightly miffed when Mayyee and Hamzah weren't around. I so wanted to treat them too... : (

Anyway I bought myself a new pair of earrings, a boy and a girl, the cute tiny silver things they are caught my attention. It could be me and you on my ears. I must remember to thank Rachel for making my mind up lol. Went Hearland Mall-ing with her Wil and Michlai after our bowling. We walked and talked and looked and sorts. Multi-tasking seemed to be a bad habit.

And so a few days till the end, and the beginning of the true end. For Project Work will start to take its toll. But let me enjoy first hey, what is life when you stress so much like a gooney blowfish and just burst?
Goodnight.

ofblack&white
11:08 PM

"She can repay everything that I gave her but just one. Sadly she won't ever repay it."
Ha. A friend, he said that to me. I was laughing at his seriousness, for his face was filled with emotion, but he wasn't going to cry. But then again I thought, and I realised I'm in that situation too.Because whatever physical real thing I gave you could always be repaid, but could you ever return the love I felt? I don't think so.

Bit too random, but its the spur of a mo thing. Like it suddenly hit me like a truck, and I don't want the thoughts to pass like sand in your hand, let it go and it'll be gone forever.
I'll update more about an exciting today. In the meantime... Sleep...

Everytime I turn around,
I found my heart in pieces on the ground
So so lonely
I'm looking for my one and only...

Goodnight.

ofblack&white
2:34 PM

Today was Math paper, and I was feeling rather fucked up, for it wasn't simple, I couldn't do it, and i got frustrated with it. Blah. These days nights have been long, it passed slowly like the wind. And I've got the problem of not being able to sleep. Ho-ha. I was pretty freaked out yesterday in Math tuition, with how much I was unable to do. Grr. had brunch at Mac yesterday with Mayyee and did more... math before going math tuition. Everything is getting hectic like a mad hatter, I wished I had lived in some oasis, or in the middle of the arctic land.

We (rather I) decided to meet at Bishan because apparently some people only roam the streets of the East. Hanged about Swensons with Rachel and Mayyee before meeting Jy at the station. He got the nerve to pretend to scold me for being late. Lol. So I enlightened him around J8, and got lost halfway through searching for the Apple Shop. Funny how his sense of direction there seems to be a notch higher than me, since he never stepped into that place before. Hunt for earrings again, and I couldn't find one I like again. All the shops seemed to be blurry in the midst of nonsensical conversations, reminiscing and all.

Settled for Coffee Bean instead of Swensons, and I got treated to extra-chocolatey brownies and a frap, tried to study my History but instead was seduced by an extra sexy PSP and virtua tennis. So I was there being agonised by Juan Carlos Ferrero while Jy tried to enlighten me about his C++ and floating points, personally I think the Book for Dummies is too complicated for dummies like you and I. Funny too, how a game got us het up, lol many "oohs" and "aahs" over the smashes and serves. I shall rob his PSP one day, and get past Semis. Walked about again, Royal Sporting House and shops, whilst talking non-stop. My hands are not short. And I'm not short. Shall buy that sling bag someday.

Went off only nearing 4 I think, was threatened to be pushed down into the tracks. Oh, I nearly wanted to kill a man and run off with his iPod nano, but Jy happens to be non-viloent. Oh well. It was a very nice day. Met Heiwai to photostat much needed History notes. Thanks alot for your help. :] Shall burn the night again in History.

Long entry, for I don't think i will be updating till after I finish History and catched up on sleep.

The one who wields the most power is not the one who own big weapons or money, but one who could create fear, and knows how to use it.

ofblack&white
5:30 PM

That model on Time's Style&Design cover is so pretty. And she's my age. K that is random.

I have to get on with my Econs, but I don't really see the point cause it will only boil down to two scenarios: A) I studied for it and I fail, but I won't feel guilty or B) I don't study, fail, and have my conscience biting me for a lifetime. K, obviously B right? Grr.

I had to bake another batch of cookies last night, cause the previous couldn't last me the night. Means I would've died on my table, go heaven, decided I didn't belong there, and get thrown down into hell instead.

Ok now. Time to get majorly screwed.

ofblack&white
2:32 PM

So sleeping at three for the past few days did took a toll on me, I felt like the walking dead with half-a-life. Or maybe none. I crammed History and I was on the verge of giving up in the morning hours. Thank God for a cowardly chicken and an ant. I think I'd would've fallen asleep if the vibrations of my phone ceased. Oh. And thanks to Milo, McVities, chocolate chip cookies and Koko Krunch for that matter.

So yesterday paper wasn't so bad. Or was it? It was certainly do-able, its just the matter of grades I guess. It always boils down to that. History just now was quite alright really, I might even dare say its easy. Wrote till my hand quivered like a squirrel.

Now it is time to mug Econs. But first I need get something I have been denied of.

No matter how cold the waters are, it could never soothe the burning anger inside.

ofblack&white
12:21 PM